Adventuring with Kids: How You Can Make a Mindset Adjustment for More Fun
When it comes to adventuring with kids, adjusting your mindset can be the difference between having fun and feeling overwhelmed. In this post, I will share 5 mindset adjustments that have been game-changers for me in thriving amidst the challenges that come with adventuring with kids.
1. I'm NOT Supermom, and that's okay.
We are not supermoms, nor should we expect ourselves to be. There seems to be this unspoken expectation that moms should be able to do it all and not feel overwhelmed in the process. It is easy to feel shame and anxiety when we do feel overwhelmed and things slip through the cracks.
Releasing Perfectionism
Accepting the fact that you can’t do it all requires self-compassion. Perhaps your house is a mess because you spent the weekend outside as a family. Or maybe you planned to go for a hike with your kids today, but you are feeling drained and hanging out at the creek is all you can manage. It is okay to have limitations, that is what makes us beautifully human.
The truth is, at the end of the day, your kids don’t need a supermom. They just need a mom who is responsive to them. When you thrive, your kids thrive, and part of thriving is getting real with the fact that you are only human.The more space you create for imperfection, the more you and your little ones will be able to let go, have fun, and connect.
Responsiveness, not achievement
For me, letting go of the expectation that I can do it all (and do it well) has given me the freedom to take the day as it comes--to respond to my kiddos and my own needs rather than push through. I’m finding that tending to our needs is far more important than any agenda.
At the end of the day, I would rather be a responsive parent than a high-achieving parent.
That being said, I’m not going to lie to you. This is a daily struggle for me. When the achiever part of me shows up, it is usually a sign that I need extra gentleness and compassion. I am notorious for being hard on myself. Prior to having kids, it was rare for me to turn back early from a hike even if everything in me was saying I needed something different at that moment. Having kids has taught me a new pattern. I am far more gentle toward myself and the needs of our family. I don’t push myself in ways that make the situation worse nearly as often. I adjust our plans to the need of the moment, and that is perfectly okay.
Sure, it feels good when we are able to rise to the occasion or exceed others’ expectations, but trying to be a supermom comes with a cost: guilt, shame, regret, and disconnection from the people we care most about.
So, rather than trying to be supermom, be vulnerable, make mistakes, and show your kids that it's okay not to be perfect. Yes, go after those adventures that excite you, but do so because it fills your cup and helps you connect with your little ones, not because it proves you can go above and beyond as a parent.
2. I'm OK with being a little messy
Kids can be unpredictable. Expect your adventures to come with a whole lot of unexpected twists and turns. Adventuring with kids requires a certain level of tolerance for stress and chaos. The good news is that the more you get out there, the easier it will become to go with the flow and adapt to challenges as they arise.
I can't tell you the number of times my husband and I have looked at each other and said, "It's a good thing we love the outdoors so much, because after this, it would be easy to just stay home." If you are one of those mamas who has decided that the stress isn’t worth it, that is one thousand percent understandable. Adventuring with kids can take a lot out of you. For our family, we have found that getting out there is worth it for us–even with the chaos and challenges. Being outside gives us the space away from the daily monotony to truly connect with each other and grow into the best version of ourselves for our kiddos.
We won't always get things perfect. There will be hikes and trips that don't go as planned and that is ok. This is all part of the process of learning what works for your family and bringing a little humor to situations that feel chaotic.
3. I’ve learned to accept help.
One of the best pieces of parenting advice I ever received was “never turn down help.” I was pregnant with our twins at the time and I remember hearing this and thinking to myself, never get to the place where you need help. Bahaha. Clearly I was still holding onto the supermom mentality. Of course I would need help, and that is exactly how it should be. Being a mom has humbled me beyond measure–I have learned that I can’t do it alone (no matter how much I try to convince myself that I can).
Just for a little illustration, here is a story from last weekend.
My husband was running in the Quad Rock 25 mi race and I had it in my mind that I could single handedly crew him with two babies and a puppy. Ha. Yep, there is that supermom mentality again. I had it all planned to fit the boys’ regular nap and feeding schedule into the timeline of when I would meet my husband at each aid station. I planned to juggle taking care of the boys, crewing my husband, and fitting in my own long run. I was way in over my head. Needless to say, things fell apart quickly. I saw my husband off at the start line and fed my boys their first bottle, and from there, chaos ensued. I knew that both of my boys just needed to be held, but there were two of them, one of me, and a puppy begging for my attention.
I decided to scrap the plan and head to the aid station, where I would figure out the next right step. I remember getting there and taking my first kiddo (still screaming) out of the stroller and placing him on a picnic blanket. I held back tears as I tried to ignore the looks of pity from the race spectators around me. As I pulled my second son out of the stroller (also screaming), I heard someone gasp and exclaim “there’s two of them!” Yes, there are two of them and one of me. I can’t do this. Seconds later, a woman walks over to me and kindly says “Hey, I know you do this all the time, but do you want help?” The floodgates opened and the tears started flowing. “Yes, thank you so much.” Now let me just say that I am not someone who would normally just hand my child to a complete stranger, but there I was, completely at my limit, and I needed help. We both stood next to each other holding the boys, and all became well. The day turned around and we got to watch my husband cross the finish line.
It is okay to ask for help. Sometimes we just can’t do it all. When people say it takes a village, they couldn’t be more correct. Asking for help is an opportunity to embrace the community of support around you so that the unmanageable can be transformed into something enjoyable. In doing so, you not only care for yourself, but enrich the lives of your little ones too.
4. I've learned to be flexible
No matter how prepared you are, there is a high chance that your adventure will require some level of flexibility. Come to the adventure prepared to adjust your itinerary or to ditch your plans altogether. This is much easier said than done, especially when you’ve invested time and energy into preparing for your trip. It can feel disheartening when you have to scrap the plan. By loosening your grip on your expectations and choosing to be flexible, you and your kiddos are likely to have a more enjoyable time.
When a situation does call for a change in plans, take the path of least resistance. Changing the plan last minute is not the time to overcomplicate things. Simplicity is the name of the game. I have learned to work with the resistance rather than fight the resistance.
Resistance in the life of a mama can look like your child throwing a tantrum because they don’t want to continue hiking on the trail. Working with the resistance involves taking a moment to listen and uncover the hidden needs that your child is trying to communicate to you. It is all about responsiveness. Maybe what your child needs is to meander slowly along the trail, looking at bugs, climbing rocks with you rather than following your agenda. Embrace this as part of the adventure!
As a mom, it's natural to want to ensure that everything goes smoothly, but the reality is that things often don’t go according to plan, and that is okay! Rather than fighting the resistance, lean into the chaos and embrace the unexpected. Chaos does not always have to equal stress. Rather than getting overwhelmed when things don’t go as planned, invite curiosity and humor into these moments. Laugh off the minor setbacks and enjoy the spontaneity that kids bring to the adventure. By reframing chaos as an opportunity for spontaneity and joy, your adventures with your kids can be even more fun and rewarding.
Next time things start to feel a little wild, take a deep breath and lean into it–you might be surprised by what you discover.
5. I've learned to be prepared
One of the biggest challenges of adventuring with little ones is learning to prepare just enough for plans to change. If you are anything like me, you like to plan every small detail and anticipate every challenge so that you will be prepared when things go wrong. Unfortunately, this mentality doesn’t work well when adventuring with kids.
Adventuring with little ones requires a lot more planning and it is important to bring the necessary items, but part of the preparation process is preparing for plans to change. One way I like to free up energy for the mental preparation is to create packing lists for different types of adventures and save them to later go back to and revise. This way, each time I go out on an adventure, I know exactly what to bring and can dial in the list each time we go out. By doing this, I give myself the peace of mind knowing that I have what I need and I free up energy to prepare my mind and heart to be adaptable, open to change, and willing to go with the flow. This type of preparation is just as important as the physical preparation of the trip.
Ultimately, being prepared for adventuring with kids is less about having everything figured out and more about being able to handle whatever comes your way. By changing your mindset and embracing the unpredictability of the outdoors, you'll be better equipped to lean into the chaos and bond with your child.
Enjoy the Ride
When adventuring with kids, it’s easy to get caught up in the chaos and forget the whole point of why you got out in the first place.
My husband and I are firm believers that play is SO important–even for adults–and our play of choice is adventuring outside. We all need moments in our lives when we can let go, have fun, and lean into adventures with curiosity and excitement. Adventuring with kids is an opportunity to get on your kids level–to connect with their spontaneity and child-like wonder. For us, getting outside is a way that we regain connection with ourselves and each other. In nature, we find the space to grow into the type of parents who can show up for our kids as people who are ready to connect and respond to them.
